The 'Fax (pontifax) wrote in chaosvideo,
The 'Fax
pontifax
chaosvideo

Xanga - hpsexychica

First off, let me talk about how much I hate xanga. It's a ridiculous copy of livejournal, and usually used by high school students while they're high but before they drive a railroad spike through their temples. Oh, wait. I'm the one who does that to them. So yes, they are far more inane than even the worst LJ; no one uses any sort of punctuation or grammar rules whatsoever, they are frequently about getting high, one in every 3 posts includes "I LOVE YOU!!!111" to some random person, nearly all of them talk about how school sucks, and here's a kicker: every single one of them at the bottom where the 'comment' button should be says 'give E-props'.

Dear God.

E-props? Is this the 'hip' lingo nowadays?

I've decided to keep a running tally of "I love you", "school sucks", flagrant disregard for the word "fuck", and "getting high".

Oh, Lord, what has the American youth today come to. I sincerely hope someone who knows this person reads this and sends me nasty email. I hate this girl a lot.



hpsexychica

What does the 'hp' stand for? Hit Points? Hewlett-Packard? I'm going to go with 'has a penis'.

So Has a Penis here is clearly sexy, if you couldn't tell from this picture.



Still, if you couldn't tell, it's there in her name to reaffirm. Also, I think 'chica' is a way of saying that she's Hispanic. Because from looking at the picture, I thought she was Asian. Whew...thank goodness for that.

Now, clearly she is sexy if by 'sexy' you mean 'looks like a vampire injected with botox'. Plus, she's clearly a whore. Now, the spider monkey standing next to her with the dick-tickler 'stache is apparently her boyfriend.

Named Emmy.

What a tough Meh-hee-ka-no name! It strikes fear in my soul. He might cut me with his sparkling ribbons and pink Skip-It.

Another point for her stupidity. Here's the background to her xanga.



If you'll note, that bitchin' ride (is it hers or her import-kit monkey boyfriend's? any votes?) is black. The font of her xanga is also black. Strike anyone else as odd? Yeah. You can't read the fucking thing.

Let's take a look at her profile, shall we?

Name: Paola G.
Country: United States
State: Texas
Gender: Female

Interests: cheerleading...going to church...smokin weed...being bored
Expertise: CHEERLEADING!!!!!, rollin up a FAT joint, break dancing, tap dancing, ballerina and acting. and some people think that im a little blonde on the inside!!
Occupation: Student
Industry: Medical

Take a look at 'interests'. Goin' to church. Smokin' weed.

I think that speaks for itself, aside from the fact that she is a high school student in the medical field. Doogie Howser!

Here's one of her recent entries:

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

I swear one day Emmy will pay for all the damage he causes my xanga!!!

Lesson #1 Don't EVER give your boyfriend your xanga password!!!

Lesson#2 Tell him to get his own xanga

Lesson#3 Make sure he knows you think AUDI's are ORGASMIC!!!

Lesson#4 Most important of all: Always read Paola's xanga no matter what it looks like!

You hear that, guys? Make sure you know AUDI's are ORGASMIC!! Just looking at the car makes me jizz my pants. So buy your girlfriend one, 'kay?

*shakes head and weeps*

Here's the tally for the front page of her journal:
I LOVE YOU!s: 3
School Sux 1
Life Sux 1
Getting High 2
Abuse of Exclamation Points 12
Grammar and Punctuation Abysmal
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  • 8 comments
So...um...wait...

Is that HER AUDI?? How can she drive it if she's constantly having orgasms??

OK, I'm going to give everyone a hard-sell truth here:

GIRLS ARE NOT THAT INTERESTED IN PIECE OF SHIT CARS.

They only PRETEND to be interested so they can look cool to their boyfriends. The occasional bull dyke or hardcore chick can fix her own carbuerator, but chicks are disinterested in automobiles for a very simple reason: it's a boy's club. We have no place there. It's like a dude coming into a ballet class. No one's going to take you seriously even if you're Mikhail fuckin' Barishnyokov.

So my analysis is that hpsexychica is just plain psychotic, and OMGLOVES!!!eleven00110!!! her boyfriend Doctor Zhivago so much that she's willing to say someone as absolutely retarded as "AUDIS are ORGASMIC"

I mean, that doesn't make sense any way you hear it.
*laughs*

Preach on!

Dr. Zhivago! Yeah, you suck. ;p
You tell 'em, SteveDave!
Um...I like cars (including working on them)...and I'm clearly not a bull dyke. Btw...that's not an Audi, it's a Chevy Camaro...either SS or Z28, can't really tell due to the blurry picture. But yeah, everything else here is ridiculous. Just had to represent for the car lovin' females out there.
in reference to the post, I know people like her... *slams head on the wall at the utter stupidity*
I know. I think everyone knows people like this. And it's sad because I'm 22 and I know people my AGE like this. That doesn't make the burden of their complete stupidity easier to bear. Thank God, younger folk like you and ailupin have some sense.
you can just feel your IQ dropping around them....
OK, that girl is COMPLETELY retarded, no doubt, but I will say ONE thing in her defense...
the "Industry: Medical" thing. When you have a xanga and you're filling out that dumb information, the 'Industry' section is a drop-down menu, with choices like "textiles," "hospitality," and "banking/finance," which is all really ridiculous seeing as these for the most part are high school kids. So you're probably going to find with most Xangas the 'Industry' field isn't going to make sense, all my HS friends have them and theirs all say either "entertainment" or "art" or some shit like that. The 'Country' catagory is also drop-down, so you might see "Liechtenstein" or "Qatar," just kids trying to be funny. Yeah, real funny, moron. It's just all so retarded. Thanks for making fun of them, I laughed almost non-stop reading that.